One of "Those" Days...

Today was one of "Those" days. You know the ones, where from the very get-go things are topsy-turvy and life feels more like a spinning, inverse roller coaster than the merry-go-round that Hollywood hypnotizes us into believing exists. It was a day when the feelings of the limitations of single-parenthood drove right over me, squashing me into the reality that I'm only one person, and there is no way I can do it all... at least not with grace and sanity. There is bound to be extensive road rash.

So I did what any mother would do who just picked her son up from school in the late morning, suspended for two days for a fist fight over a spot in line - I went to see a counselor. I let my exiled son sit in the waiting room as I purged to a stranger with tears and confession of fear and frustration while creating a small mountain of tissue in my lap. Lately I'm just not able to process through all that is thrown my way each day. As the day comes to a close I don't feel that all is better, but it was important to say out loud the anxiety and challenges that have come my way, laying all the pieces on the table so I can finally see which belong to the future I'm working on creating, and which simply don't fit into that life puzzle. It felt good to have someone listen, who was compassionate, who had a background story that allowed him to see my situation with some clarity. He didn't have any magical answers, and I didn't really need him to. I know those come from within me. He did however say that maybe I should take a step without knowing where it might lead. That was a pretty profound statement, and one I totally understood on a spiritual level. I've been overanalyzing which path is the "right" one to take, and therefore I've been frozen. It seems that it's time to just move, in any direction, because at least then I have a course that I can correct if necessary, getting me out of these stagnant waters and back into energetic flow.

We all have our struggles, I've yet to meet anyone that isn't working through some sizable challenge, learning through their innumerable mistakes. Somehow knowing that I'm not alone in the state of Overwhelm makes being a resident here less guilt inducing. Although I do hope to find a way to change addresses soon, for now I accept that I inhabit a small corner of this crowded place. 

So, what now? What does the woman who trained as a Life Coach do when all the tools I've collected over the years to handle crisis whirl around in my head as reminders of what I haven't been doing? Listening to the list of other people's solutions just exacerbates my mental exhaustion. The one thing that is always a saving grace comes to mind: go back to simplicity. This is not the time for some extensive new regimen or thorough analytics of my current life situation. First, I just need to breathe, to type, to get to bed early for a change. Then, I need to remember that my feet will be guided as I take a step, even a baby step, with the intention of returning to the path that I co-create with the Divine. And then I need to repeat those steps over and over until I have some momentum. And yes, I know that there will be some steps that lead to stumbles, but as long as I am headed in the right direction, at least I will be stumbling forward.